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Normally I abhor Bob Marley covers but this one is dope (I like Annie Lennox’s cover of Waiting in Vain too). Bob Marley’s version is jubilant and exciting. But CBR’s is so mournful and full of longing. It just gets me.
Because this is the song that reminds me of Him. You know who I mean right? Every girl has a Him. The one who is firmly and permanently under your skin and won’t ever get out. No matter how much you might pretend you want him to. The one who is the yardstick against which all others are measured. The one. The pinnacle. The apex.
The one who doesn’t want you. Or more likely doesn’t want you enough. But the one who seems like he would, if he’d only give you the chance. And so you’re consumed by this one. This Him. Who you want to love so badly and who just won’t let you.
It’s such a tragedy right? Because you just know that if he’d let you love him, you’d do it so right he’d never want to let you go. And if he just knew that – if he would just open up his mind to the possibility – it would be epic.
Because he’s the one. Not the one you want to cook for but the one you want to clean for. I mean scrub his dirty drawers clean for. Not the one you want to watch sleep, but the one you gaze at contemplatively, head cocked to the side and propped up on your palm as you think “I wonder what your snores sound like. What your toes look like. What kind of face you make when you stub your toe”. He’s the one you want to open up and examine and you know – you just know – that you’ll love everything you find.
This is a new concept for you. A new realization that your fixation on someone is not love, but just the desire to love. It’s eye-opening, isn’t it? The idea that wanting to love someone could be every bit as painful as actually loving them? The idea that wanting to love someone can be more painful than not being loved by them.
But oh this pain. It’s the worthiest kind of pain. Because it’s in service of another and so you get to feel altruistic. You also get to be shielded from the reality of actually attaching yourself to something viable and real and ugly and messy, but who needs that, right? Who needs real when you have angst? When you have longing? When you have yearning. When you finally understand what all that raw hunger you hear in the voices of your favourite R&B singers is really all about. Because you just want to love Him and oh baby if he’d just let you love him, I swear everything would be okay.
But wanting someone is time consuming. And you’re a real person with an actual job and life and family and believe it or not your sole purpose in life is not just to want to love Him. So you compartmentalize. You push Him to the farthest recesses of your mind. You focus on the important stuff and try to forget about him. Until a song like this runs up on you and just slams it all right over your head. How you never did get to love Him. And how you still believe that if he would let you you could show him moves he’s ever seen before.